Sunday, November 7, 2010

0 years 3 months 2 weeks 6 days

Dear ever-growing Austen,

Oh I really thought that I would write you more often when I started this. However, life has taken a sudden plunge into frantically busy days and even busier evenings. So who knew...that working full time, having a child at home, and still trying to keep a household moving smoothly would be such a task?! I kid, I think I always knew. Just maybe not so much.

You, my little one, are teething like a fiend, and so early! You are just shy of 4 months now, and a healthy and happy chunky 16 pounder! You are currently wearing 6 month clothing, and an occasional 9 month outfit. Still so long and slender though, so you always look so cute in your long-sleeved clothes because I have to roll your sleeves! ha!

Your poor teeth though. I feel so helpless, you just bite and gnaw on everything, and although you're not a fan of either the cold teething rings OR the numbing teething gel, you always seem a little happier afterwards! You look at me so upset though! And as a breastfeeding mommy, let me just say "Bad Austen! No biting!" haha! No, really you've done well. I can tell when you're really hurting and we just work with it. I still feel helpless that I can't always be there to work through it with you.

On the subject of not always being there, being back to work is getting harder for me. I thought it would get easier, but it's just gradually hurting more. I see you changing, and being a newly developed child each weekend, and that pains me more than I can even tell you. I love my job, and while I'm there I'm happy to do whatever I need to do, but deep inside I just feel so frustrated that I should be somewhere else. Home, with you, is where I know I should be. It is utterly unnatural to be separated from your children, and I still have yet to have had a weekend without some tears. When I am with you, you smile and laugh and cry, and all I can feel is how stupid it is that I am not always there when you go through your emotions. You do however still adore Grandma's house every Tuesday and Wednesday, so that is helpful. You tend to give Daddy a little more trouble but we have decided that is because when you're with Daddy you just associate it with me, and thus don't always understand. You are the easiest with me, and the most at ease with me, and I keep telling myself that it is simply awful that you cannot always be. I never truly imagined how hard it would be, and it is a thousand times harder.

Anyways, let's not dwell on the bad things! You are so healthy and happy, and that is wonderful! I tell myself often how lucky we are to have a healthy child, and wonder what it would be like if you were sick. So many people I talk to with children with health issues, or frankly, people who I talk to that simply do not value their children. Heartbreaking. You are the most important piece of my life, and I will do whatever it is that I have to do that makes it better for you.

I hate that your teeth hurt you! I hope it gets better soon! You get so frustrated with the teethers because your dexterity is not quite yet you need help holding them in your mouth. So sad! It won't be long! You are constantly changing and surprising us! You have been rolling over for weeks now, and you almost (almost!) sit up for a few seconds alone! So cute!

You are my joy. I love you immensely and treasure every moment with you. Thank you for being such a fantastic, amazing child! We love you, Austen. :) Your Aunt Judy will be here in a week or so to visit you, and I can't wait for you to spend some time with her when you do more than just eat, sleep and poop! Haha! Now you laugh and talk and kick too! Such a sweet little man!

Love Always,

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